@ Me

What do I do when I fully recover from my illness?  I go partying and get myself sick all over again.  I went out last weekend and haven't been the same since.  My brain is so wired to party hard that I forget that my tolerance levels have decreased significantly since my hardcore days.  It's Tuesday and I can still feel the toxins swimming in my bloodstream.  I feel  dehydrated, dizzy, and weak.  I regret going out but life has been kicking my ass lately, I felt I needed an escape.

My studies are a disaster.  I turned in an assignment half completed yesterday.  It was that or risk not turning it in at all.  I figured a bad grade is better than no grade.  I'm so sick of school right now.  I just have two more weeks to go.  I want it over with!

I am to the point where I am resenting grad school.  I'm  considering taking a break from it.  I resent how it keeps me from having a fulltime job with steady income, I resent how I'm prevented from working on  creative projects, and I resent the monotony of writing research papers in APA format every single goddamn week.  It's not what I was put on this earth to do.

I have a new love interest.  He's heterosexual.  It's the same boy who got me sick a few weeks ago.  We've been emailing about class work.  He offered his phone number which I have taken advantage of with text messaging.  I invited him out with some classmates, he declined on the count of he having to go out of town, but he said we would make plans to party once school ends.  I was brazen enough to request a facebook friend invite...he accepted.  I love him.  His last name starts with an M.  Not that I've been thinking of this or anything but in the case we would get married, I would become JPM.  It has a certain ring to it.  It figures that I'd fall for an unattainable boy.

My foundation has been rocked.  I have been drinking, my academic career is in turmoil, I have done nothing to advance my creative career, I'm not doing financially well, and I'm in love with a heterosexual.  I'm in bit of a crisis right now.  Like any well oiled organization in trouble, I need a marketing plan.  I'm in need of drastic change. I've been here before, if I continue on a self destructive path, I will end up in rehab.  

@ Legs

No progress.